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home : camp verde bugle : accountability February 6, 2016

By Richard Haddad, Prescott Valley, AZ
This blog boldly addresses the need for men to accept, once again, accountability for their actions and to deliberately step forward to be better men — accepting and valuing their role as fathers, husbands and providers. I believe many of the world’s problems today can be traced back to men who did not fulfill their divine responsibilities, impacting first the family, and then the world.
Friday, March 13, 2009

Today is time to leave abusive relationship

 Jan Kolb
Tribune Columnist

"Daddy hates Mommy; Mommy hates Dad. Last night you shoulda' heard the fight they had." Those were the words from a song children chanted as they skipped rope.

It is said that children learn more from their parents by watching them than by listening to what is said. Example is the best learning tool there is.

I was only about 14 years old when I heard my Uncle Bob ask my aunt to please get him a glass of water as he sat on the porch talking with my dad and a couple of other men. I heard my aunt say to him, "You can get it for yourself. I am not waiting on you." Uncle Bob was embarrassed, as he got up to get the glass of water.

There are some who would cheer my aunt by saying she was right to publicly refuse to get him a glass of water. But Someone much wiser than all of us once said that we would be blessed if we gave someone a cup of water in His name.

Some children have been witnesses to their dad beating the daylights out of their mother. Fear rules in that kind of household, and as the years go by, the fear turns into hatred. Far too often, those same children grow up to abuse their own families later on.

Many is the time mothers caution their children to never tell anyone the things that go on in their household. They are encouraged to keep the awful secret of fights and abuses.

A young man tells of the times his dad came home drunk and drug his son out of bed and whipped him - just because. Where was his mother during those times? Too scared to do anything about it.

How long is a person to put up with such verbal or physical abuse before they leave? If they hit you once, you can almost always count on the fact they will hit you again... and again.

One should never stay with an abusive spouse. Nor should your children have to live in fear. Take your children and leave.

A young woman wrote to me a few months ago that when she married at 16, her parents were dead set against the marriage, but she and her boyfriend ran away to Mexico. They were married about a year when the girl realized her husband was very abusive. She was now pregnant, and scared to stay with him, but ashamed to go home to her parents.

She wrote to me asking me what she should do. I advised her to go home to her parents and trust their love for her. A few months later, she wrote again saying it had turned out well. Her parents did help her and she and her new baby were safe and secure. The abusive husband was long gone.

I cringe at the mail I get sometimes from women who are afraid to leave and afraid to stay. Mostly they say things like, "They don't want their kids to grow up without a father." They seem to have the mistaken idea that an abusive father is better than no father at all. Wrong!

The fear and insecurity these precious children are growing up with is heartbreaking. You don't have to stay in an abusive relationship. Take your children and go home to your parents. Or go to a friend, or even a shelter. The important thing is to get out of that relationship before someone gets seriously hurt or emotionally damaged for life.

Learn from your mistakes. There is still time to have a better life for yourselves and your children. Get help. Don't let pride stand in your way. So what if your parents warned you not to marry the guy? Admit that they were right and get out of that relationship.

Listen to what your children are telling you and others. Children have a way of telling things the way they really are. Listen to them. Help them. There is a better life for you and your kids. Do it today.

You can write to Jan Kolb at P.O. Box 27545, Prescott Valley, AZ 86312. Or email: billjankolb2@aol.com

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